Inner Demons
by SpyGlass9T
Summary: A particular case forces two agents to confront their inner demons. Some darker thoughts ensure. ONE-SHOT. set season 5 Tony/McGee friendship. Gibbs/Tony father/son mentioned


**Hi! So, here i am. Giving you guys a one-shot that hopefully you will enjoy. :P**

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

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The night was still young when Special Agent Timothy McGee let himself be consumed by the sweet bliss that was alcohol. Normally, he would never be so blatant with his drinking, but tonight he truly did not care.

And that was half of the problem. _He did not care._

Earlier that day, the MCRT had been chasing their suspect into an alleyway. The murderer of several children - one of whom's parent was in the Marine Corps - had pulled a gun and pointed it wildly in the direction of the agents, threatening to shoot.

As per protocol, all four members of the team had held their ground with their own guns drawn and slowly attempted to approach.

As the man's outstretched arm had begun to waver and fall to his side, Tony had moved in faster to grab his falling weapon.

The following seconds passed much too fast.

The shift of an eye - barely a twitch - had warned the federal agents of the man's decision to go down fighting. Lowering his arm was just a ploy.

DiNozzo had quickly tried to twist away when the killer reached out to grab him. He succeeded in clenching the man's wrist and pointing the gun away from him; however the murderer was determined to get his hostage. On the sidelines, none of the three agents were able to get a clear shot and none of them could safely approach. Ziva was edging forward, looking for an opening, while Gibbs was shouting DiNozzo's name in - dare he call it - fear.

In the following seconds, McGee could only watch desperately as the bulky man achieved the upper hand in the short scuffle between agent and murderer.

Then, McGee saw his opportunity just as the man regained control of his sidearm.

Two triggers were pulled at the same time.

As the man stumbled away from a stunned DiNozzo, a circular stain of blood was already forming on the t-shirt above the murderer's heart. The following double taps by Ziva and Gibbs were only echoes of the original kill shot.

McGee's kill shot.

Timothy took a large swig of his beer, hoping to erase the rest of the memory from his mind.

He had seen his fair share of grisly crime scenes in his time as an NCIS agent. He knew that the thoughts that drove him to the solace of alcohol were not because of the man lying on his back with multiple gun shot wounds to the chest, nor the thought of the man's eyes - dull and glazed over. He wasn't even doing it because he felt guilty that it was Tony who was now living with a bullet wound to the arm.

Normally, after such a day, McGee would be drinking because he killed a man - but now he was drowning his sorrows because he had none.

He knew what it was like to take another's life while on the job. He had done it out of necessity many times before, but every time he had felt guilty.

Guilty; despite the fact that the men he had killed would have happily gone on and murdered another victim. He had begun to see the feeling of remorse as a sign that he was different from the men and women he put behind bars - that he was still a human.

And yet, after shooting that particular man, there was no sense of guilt. None of that painful churning in his gut that kept insisting that what he had done was wrong while his mind gave excuses for his actions.

This time he felt nothing, as though killing the man had been easy. Like there were zero consequences for taking another's life. Like he had become numb in the section of his heart where his inner demon should be eating him alive.

Perhaps, he supposed, a new one was taking over.

Anthony DiNozzo Jr hated any reminders of his childhood. And, their most recent case had definitely been a huge slap to the face by his past.

The team had been investigating the murder of a 9-year-old boy, only to realise that it was linked to the deaths of several other young children. It was their case purely because the father of the latest victim was a marine lieutenant and they had been the ones to see the connection between victims.

The sick bastard had tortured them all. He beat up, sliced and sexually assaulted every child that he took from the streets of supposedly safe family areas. It was horrific and disgustingly cruel.

Worst of all, it hit way too close to home.

Not many knew about the childhood of Tony DiNozzo, and he was determined to keep it that way. None of his team members and fellow agents really knew, except for Dr Mallard as he had the privilege of viewing all agent's medical records. Until the case had begun, he hadn't even thought that Gibbs was aware.

But, now that Tony had a moment of quiet to think to himself, of course his boss must have known. Although DiNozzo trusted Ducky, the elderly man was the type who was easily concerned. Added to that, he did have a degree in forensic psychology. Piecing together all of the evidence and information, the well meaning doctor must have drawn the conclusion that Tony was still troubled - and probably scarred for life - by his terrible upbringing.

Of course the M.E. had turned to Gibbs to share the news. That was only logical.

Though they both secretly accepted the huge roles that they played in each other's lives, Gibbs never treated him differently from the other agents on the MCRT, and never did he show protective and concerned nature in public. It just was not how their "family" dynamic worked.

They had just received the news from Ducky, which was later confirmed by Abby, that the children had been violated before the final bullet. Gibbs had immediately locked eyes with Tony, who felt as though he was going to puke at the twist in events.

As they left autopsy, Gibbs had pulled him aside and asked if he was still "fit for duty". For any other case the boss would probably have demanded that he pull it together or simply go home; however, this time he asked. /Gently./

Last time that had happened, Kate had just died.

Tony hadn't thought that it was likely he would be on the receiving end of that emotion from Gibbs ever again. It was like a bad omen.

While he liked it, DiNozzo preferred the old gruff Gibbs. The guy whom he could depend upon during the tough times. After the entire Jeanne fiasco, Tony always knew that his boss's door was unlocked and that he could go there so that sense could be slapped back into him. It was a reassuring thought.

However, this time it wasn't. How could he talk to the one man he truly thought of as a father about his actual blood relative? It wasn't like he could be head slapped right past the problem. Jeanne, he now realised, may have been a lovely girl, but what they had had was fake and it was better to just move on. Gibbs could help him with that inner demon because he had been there himself.

He knew that the man would be waiting for him, but this problem was different. This inner demon was so much deeper ingrained, and it was better if he kept it from himself and didn't burden another.

Tony nursed his injured arm as he rose from the chair. He knew just where to go.

Timothy sat alone in the bar, hunched protectively over his drink when he heard the door to the pub creak open. It was already early the next morning, and he was late into his fourth bottle of beer.

In the quiet of the 24 hour pub, he could hear the heavy footsteps as they made their way past the arch of the doorway. Suddenly, they faultered before the person could possibly be a meter past the entrance.

"McGee?"

The surprise in that familiar voice was evident as the footsteps restarted in his direction.

"Tim? Is that you?"

Overcoming his own initial shock, McGee suddenly realised that he didn't want his friend to approach. McGee didn't want his fellow agent to see him in such a state.

The footsteps halted directly behind him. "Timothy, why on earth are you here at 3 in the morning?"

The agent sighed. "I could ask you the same thing, Tony."

There was a grating of chair against floor as DiNozzo pulled out the seat next door. "You could. But I asked first."

McGee shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It would be best to avoid that particular question. "DiNozzo... When did they let you out of hospital?"

He could almost imagine the shrug. "An hour or two ago. They wanted to keep me until morning cause they said that I shouldn't be driving one handed at the dead of night, but I convinced them to let me out." He waved someone over to order a drink. "So when did you get here? And, again, why?"

There was no way to avoid this conversation. McGee looked sideways from his drink to Tony. The other man looked startled at seeing his bloodshot eyes and flushed face. "A while. As for why: well, that's for me to know and for you to wonder."

DiNozzo opened his mouth as though to speak, but he shut it again and remained silent as his beverage arrived. Silently, McGee turned back to his drink. Lifting it to his lips, he was about to take a sip when a hand grabbed the neck of the glass bottle.

"Tim, drinking away your problems won't help."

Without thinking McGee said harshly, "so then what are you doing here instead of at home. Don't be a hypocrite."

The grip loosed and the hand fell away as McGee dragged the bottle rim to his mouth feeling a little victorious.

"I'm not your role model. Don't copy me. I'm just trying to stop my best friend making my mistakes." Tony's voice was so quiet the McGee paused to consider his words. And then, without taking a sip, he replaced the drink on the bench.

"Abby and Ziva told me that you saved me today - well, yesterday," Tony finally broke the silence. "Thank-"

"How do you do it?" He demanded, cutting off the other man. His mood suddenly shifted to accusational at the reminder. "How do you live with killing?"

Looking up quickly, Tony met McGee's wild gaze and his eyes flashed with some sort of understanding. "I don't know. But, I think that I understand what you are going through right now."

Eyes narrowed, McGee snapped back, "you think you understand? I didn't feel anything after killing that man!" The agent knew that the alcohol was loosening his tongue and his rage, but he had to let it all out. "There was no remorse or regret! I didn't care whether he had a family. Not a single thought of pity! Do you really understand what I'm going through right now?!"

"You think that you are a monster, no better than the men you put behind bars. That maybe one day you will come to enjoy the coldness that accompanies a killing." DiNozzo sipped quietly on his drink his voice sad and reflective.

"Wait." There was a tiny bit of hope in his words that made McGee feel slightly ashamed of himself. "Do you also...?"

"Yeah. I do. Or rather, I don't - feel anything, that is. I believe that it's the human brain's way of coping. You aren't a psychotic murderer, Tim."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, with McGee not feeling the need to drink. It was strange how a just a few words from a friend could defeat his demons.

"You know what you said earlier, about the fact that you shouldn't be my role model, well you sort of are."

Seeing the slow smile splitting the senior field agents face, he quickly amended his statement. "Don't let it get to your head, Tony. What I mean by that is, I view you as a great agent and I don't know if I have ever apologized for something that I said a year ago. You would make a fantastic team leader, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise ever again."

"Tim, it is really okay. You don't have to-"

"Yes. I do. I know that you have little self esteem when it matters most. Even though I am bad when it comes to people rather than computers, I can see that. That most likely stems from your childhood, given how you have acted on this case."

"McGee," DiNozzo said, voice suddenly hard, "that is none of-"

"-my business? It most definitely isn't. But as I stated earlier, you are my role model. So I suppose that means that I must do as you just did, hand out a few well chosen words. Tony, your childhood bothers you. Your father probably was negligent at best. However, you have another father and I'm sure that he is prepared to be there for you."

DiNozzo opened his mouth to speak but then looked down at the table, shoulders hunched and head bowed. "He has been there for me before, but this time is different. This time it has to do with a man I would rather never talk about ever again. What if I tell Gibbs something that makes him never look the same way at me again. What if he realises that I'm just a weak fool who can't overcome a few daddy issues?"

McGee simply looked the older man in the eye. "Gibbs would never think that, and you realise that too. Just because you think that you had a less than perfect childhood, does not mean that Gibbs will look at you differently because of it. Even if he can't directly banish your inner demons, he can most certainly do what functional mutes do best, listen. And as I just found out tonight, just talking about it to someone you trust takes away so much pressure."

Pursing his lips, DiNozzo stared long and hard at the contents of his beer bottle. "Yeah. You are right." Standing he made his way out of the bar. "Get home and rest. You are going to have one hell of a hangover. I'll tell Gibbs that you'll be getting in late while I'm over there."

McGee smiled at the implications as he stood as well. Wobbling slightly on his feet, he began to stumble for the door. All that drinking was finally catching up.

An amused voice called back, "try not to face plant, McShaky."

Tony took a deep breath as he stepped towards the house. He hadn't been expecting to see anyone at that bar, let alone McGee. He had to admit though, it had been a worthwhile meeting. They had been there for one another like true brothers.

As he had helped Timothy, with his problems, the other agent had convinced him to talk to the one man who could help him with his own. Striding forward, DiNozzo made for the front door of the house which he knew would be always unlocked.

He made his way to the father who could help banish all of his inner demons.

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